My Son

I feel so much different now that I know I'm carrying a little boy. Up until April 22nd he was just 'the baby'. Now I can say words like son, boy, him and he. I'll be talking to someone about him and I'll say my son and I just stop and have one of those 'wow' moments. My son, wow!
As you know Gwen wanted a girl more than anything and I wanted a girl for her. I would have been just as happy with another daughter and I am with a son but after I found out I was having a boy, I realized how much I wanted a boy. Now I have a perfect set and little girl and a boy. Gwen has came around a lot quicker than I would have thought she would. Things are looking good in this area.
I'm in the process of making room for him. I'm down-sizing everything in my room and getting rid of a lot of stuff I don't even use anymore. I'm slowly getting there but it seems like my two days off a week go by so fast and working second and third shifts leave less time on those days. I'm positive that there with be plenty of room for him when he finally gets here.
I'm really getting into buying blue. For 6 years its been pink and princesses, dresses and ruffles. Now I get to branch out to a whole new section of the stores. Trucks and trains, bugs and frogs, all the boys things Gwen, of course wants nothing to do with. She did go through a Spiderman phase but that was short lived. Everyone with little boys keeps telling me boys are so much fun and I sure am super excited to have him here and find out. I have no doubt that he's going to be a blast.
I'm 98% positive on his name now. I had two picked out that I was going back and forth between. One was Peyton Riley and the other was Presley Garon. After much thought and saying and writing them out hundreds of times, I've decided that Presley Garon sounds perfect for my little boy. Presley was my favorite of the two first names I picked out and after the 50th time I would be asked if I was a Colts fan or a Manning fan for picking Peyton, I decided against Peyton. But I still think it's cute. I'm completely happy with his name. Presley Garon Fields. (I was always sure he'd have my last name) My son Presley.
I love the feeling I have inside knowing I'm going to be a mommy again. I say I'd be nothing if I didn't have Gwen. Which is so true. When I was in a really bad spot in my life a few years back, her love for me kept me going and I pulled myself out. To me, that little girl saved my life. Being a mom is the most important thing in life to me. I couldn't see life without Gwen and now I can't see life without her and this baby. Nothing in this world makes me happier. I would rather stay home with Gwen over going out all the time or sitting around being a cry-baby becasue there's not a man in my life. (the donor don't count) Men come and go but my kids will always be there. I love them more than anything. I'm sure you all feel the same way about your kids too.
Well, I needed to get out some of the wonderful emotions that are going on in me lately. Whew, what a mouth full. But you know me, I love to talk.

The Donor

I can't understand how a man can father something so wonderful then just go on about his life like it's not even happening. Sure we've had our issues that I needed to step away from the situation to clear my head and deal with it on my own terms. Not just by listening to someone every other day telling me to get over it. I had to deal with it in my own way and I did that. He on the other hand seems to have taken that time period to just ignore the fact that there's a baby involved. When we talked he would often say, 'the baby has nothing to do with it.' Maybe I'm crazy but shouldn't that baby have everything to do with it? After what he did to me, the baby is the only reason he still exists to me. I try to be civil and he still would rather play some 'cyber stud'. Which is lame in itself. I think he just acts like he care to impress all his internet buddies and I look like the bad one. He's the one who lied and cheated but he is the baby's dad and that is why I'm at least trying to have a civil friendship. Because to ME the baby has everything to do with the decisions I make. On the other hand, he would rather just pretend to be someone he's not to impress a bunch of random internet people he barely knows.
Whatever, I'm super excited about having a son and he's not going to change that by being an ass. He's not going to use my son's life to make himself seem like father of the year and tell people he wishes he could do more. Right now a packet of salt would being doing more. He's no super dad. IF he was, he'd try harder to be involved instead of worrying about his next internet fling.
This is just me getting things off my chest. I'll write another one just about the baby. I don't want his crap messing with all the wonderful things I have to say about my son and all the emotions going on with me.

Gwendolyn Olivia

Isn't it just amazing how kids can learn to deal with something so fast. I told Gwen she was having a baby brother after school on Tuesday and she of course didn't take the news very well. She had her heart set on a baby sister and didn't even want to listen to anything I had to say. Well, I worked my 3 to 11 shift and by the time I got home, she was of course asleep. I got her up for school on Wednesday and she said nothing about it but after school that day we were killing time at the dollar store waiting for her dentist appointment and she picked out a couple outfits for the baby. So within 24 hours she had completely gotten used to the fact that she was getting a brother. Now she even says my baby brother. So I'm so relieve that she's happy with it now. I think it was just the shock of hearing the news. Or maybe just being cranky afterschool but either way, she's cool with it now. Thankfully.

It's A Boy

I found out today that I'm having a baby boy! I've been counting down to this appointment ever since my last one. The wait to be called back seemed to take forever and once I was in the sonagram room, I swear I starred at the second hand just ticking away on the clock. Then after what seems like another whole forever, Dr. Sakbun finally got there.
While he was measuring the baby's head, abdomen, spine and heart rate, the sonagram machine's thing ran out of printer paper. Oh man, just when he was getting to the baby's sex, another delay. Just my luck. But after he refilled its paper, I finally got to see that my baby was a boy! Dr Sakbun said he's 1 pound 5 ounces and looks to possibly be an 8 pound baby and his heart rate was 143 BPM. So he's doing great. The baby yawned during the sonagram, so he must have been tired of waiting too.
Now all I have to do is get Gwen to see that a baby brother isn't the end of the world. (She was set on a girl.) I'm sure she'll come around once the time gets closer. Hopefully. I'll keep y'all posted.