Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.I never thought about immunizations.Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.Pooped on.Chewed on.Peed on.I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.I slept all night.. Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.Or give shots.I never looked into teary eyes and cried.I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.I never knew that I could love someone so much.I never knew I would love being a Mom.Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

5 Days Old

Presley is 5 days old today and he's still in the NICU. Yesterday the way the doctor was talking, it was starting to sound hopeful that he'd be coming home either today or Friday. He had his 'little boy operation' this morning and last night he had his carseat test and passed that. But today at his feeding the doctor said he's a picky eater and doesn't take the same amount everytime and that he didn't know what to tell me about coming home. He wants Presley to eat better before he comes home, I understand that but I hate leaving him there.
I was with Gwen every day and night until I went to work and being away from him for even an hour sucks. I sit around and mope wanting to run back up there and see him. I don't know what I'll do when his dad leaves and goes back to work in Texas (this time). Who else would get up out of a dead sleep at 3 in the morning and take me to the hospital just because I miss my baby boy so much I can't sleep. He's probably more tired then I am just from driving me back and forth. Of course he knows I would walk up there if he wouldn't take me and he don't want Momma to be unhappy. But nothing would make me happier than bring my baby home.
I guess the hope they did put in me today was that I can bring him some of his own clothes when I come up later. That sounds good to me. No more IVs, moved from the heat lamp bed, got his 'little boy operation', she's carseat is up there and now I can bring up his own clothes. It may just be me hoping but it keeps me going. I know he'll be home soon. Until then, I guess I'll take a trip to Babys'R'Us and pick him up something as a coming home gift or maybe just use it as a reason to go baby shopping with Gwen.

Presley Garon is Here

Much to my surprise, Presley decided to come a little early. I must have been in labor starting on Wednesday the 16th and I figured it was just false labor pains or more pressure from when he dropped. So I went to bed, got up at 5am the next morning and went to work still feeling crappy. When my boss came in at 9am, she said I didn't look so well and let me go to the hospital to get it checked out. So, on Thrusday the 17th around noon, I was checked in to the hospital to try and stop the labor to buy him some time. I was already 3 cm and was given steriod shots to develop his lungs just in case he did come early.
The pills I was given to start with to stop the labor didn't work at all, so he gave me a shot to stop it. Which seemed to work and got me through the night. On Friday the 18th I was given my usually dose of the pills but it wasn't helping. I laid there in pain for 5 more hours when the nurse checked me and I was up to 4 cm.
With that Dr. Sukbun told the nurse to just let me go with it, give me one more shot to stop the labor long enough to let the second steroid shot to kick in for the baby. I was moved to the delievery room about 2 in the afternoon on Friday. The shot wore off about 9PM and from there it all went so quick. By the time midnight rolled around, I was up to 8cm and everything and everyone was nearly in place. So after a few really good pushes, Presley Garon was born at 1:28 on July 19th.
Thankfully he is a very healthy little boy. He was 5 pounds 12 ounces and 18 1/2 inches long. Good color, great lungs, I feel I'm so lucky there wasn't anything major wrong with him. He did go into the ICU because his blood sugar was low but he's doing great now and will hopefully be home within the next couple days.
With me being discharged on Monday and him still being there, it kills me. I miss my little baby boy so much. I go up there and feed and rock him, all that good stuff as much as I can. This is my first night out of the hospital and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal.
Gwen is so super excited about him being here but a little bummed that she can't see him up close or hold him yet. Heck, he's so tiny, I'm nervous to hold him but I'm getting there. I'll keep you updated on his progress and when he's finally home.

6 Weeks Left to Go

I am down to my last 6 weeks of this pregnancy. I'm really starting to feel the pressure he is putting on my now. Ever since he dropped, I feel everything being pulled downward more and more. Mainly after sleeping or sitting down for an extended period of time. I know it won't be much longer now. I've got 2 more weeks left to work. Or I like to say I've only got 8 more shifts to work, them I'm home free. Now making it through those shifts is another story completely. I'm hoping to be able to stay on baby leave through Covered Bridge in October. I've worked in hotels long enough to know, those people will eat you alive around here. And I'm glad I'll be long gone before Sheid Diesel comes to town. I couldn't stay being around drunk hillbillies with their trucks this year.
My friends at work had a baby shower for me on July 6th. I wasn't planning on having a baby shower this time around but it was good to know that at least a few people like me enough to take the time to have one for me. But I did get a lot of the things I was needing for him and enough bath items to get him through for a while. Other than the stuff I got at the baby shower, I did get the swing I wanted, a bath chair, a musical play mat and a Boppy pillow. Which is what my friend Marketa said I totally needed. So, I bought one. I couldn't find a stroller/carseat that I wanted in any store in town, so baby daddy ordered the one I wanted online and it's being shipped here in the next week. How could I not want one with dinosaurs on it. I think it's cute as hell. He's calling it a 'gift' instead of baby momma wasn't happy and wouldn't settle for anything else. But I'm happy with it. All I need now is his crib and highchair when he's ready for them and he's all set. I'm just so ready for him to come. The closer it gets the more excited I get.
I got Gwen some school clothes already so I can be a little bit prepared when school time runs around. I just have to make sure I have money put back for school books. Which won't be cheap if her Kendergarten book fee was like $110.00. But I'm not stressing out over it. If it needs paid, I always make sure her things are paid on time. She's ready for the baby just as much as I am. She gets super excited when she sits and watches him kick and moving around. And then she'll start talking about all she wants to do with the baby. Read to him, feed him, rock him. Everything but changing his diaper...which she will clearly tell you is my job.