My Friend Janet

I makes me think of my best friend Janet. She past away from a stroke last July. I dated her son when I was 18 but me and her got along way better than him and I did. Funny how things work out that way. I called her my mother-in-law anyways. She was one of the strongest people I've ever met. First she hurt her knee at work and was eventually let go because she was 100% anymore. Because of that she lost her apartment and our friend Bruce paid for a hotel for her and her daughter for a couple months. Then they moved into a homeless women and childern's shelter. In August of 2006 she had a heart attack that nearly killed her. But she managed to come back from it and was starting to do a little better. In May of 2007 she went to the doctor because she was getting dizzy and could hardly walk. He gave her some new meds for an inner ear infection. One week after that she had a stroke that left her completely unable to move. She was stable enough to be moved to a nursing home where she had a reactions to the meds they put her on. Landing her back into the hospital. Not long after, she past away. Her daughter had just completed the 5th grade right before her stroke. Now she has to live with her brother. She was like the best friend I ever had. She was there for me when drugs and my abusive boyfriend was taking over my life. She was willing to put herself in danger when my ex would start his shit.
I miss hanging out and playing Yahtzee for days. (of course when you're high you can play for days but that's over and done with) Or getting drunk on the weekends and singing along to every song. Or going to the pawn shop every Sunday to buy cheap ass DVDs. She was there when I hit the pipe for the first time and she was there when I decided that I had had enough of the bullshit and quit. I've been sober 3 years and she's been gone 15 months. I sit around and listen to Kentucky Rain and think of all the things we had done together. I miss her a whole lot.

Saturday Randomness

It's been a pretty boring Saturday. Darryell had to work today. Which I can't really complain about. It's more overtime. Now that he's back at work I'm starting to feel like the stay at home mom type. Instead of an unemployed person. I'm starting to find good ways to spend my time so everything gets done and it's not all going to hit me at once. It's gets lonely around here with Gwen in school and the baby sleeping most of the time. Yesterday I organized all the DVDs. It was quite a task. I'm real anal about them being in alphabetical order. I think once I'm confident enough to go to town by myself without having to call someone to come find me, I'll have more to do.
Last night Gwennie had her first sleepover with her friend Sage. I don't try to deny the fact that I'm a very over protective mother. So last night was probably the longest night of my life. I didn't want to go to sleep incase she wanted to come home. My mind kept wandering, just worrying about her. I got up with Darryell at 6 AM and made a bed in the living room so I could be near the door when she did come home. When Presley and I woke back up, I was going back and forth between the window and the door, watching for her. And of course, she came home just as happy as can be. I need to learn to loosen up.
We've been watching all the scary movies that have been coming on. It's my favorite time of year because of all the spooky movies on. Friday night we watched the Halloween movies and this morning I watched some Frankenstien movies. With some Night of the Living Dead thrown in there. Can't beat the classics. Now if only there was some Nightmare on Elm Street to watch. I'd be good.
I found out that my Grandma is in the hospital. They think she had a heart attack. She's been in and off of the hospital for as long as I can remember. I just hope that everything is going to be okay with her. She's the only grandparent I've ever had. My grandma on my daddy's side past away when I was a baby. And both my grandpa's past before I was born. So she's been the only one. Sure she rides our butts a lot but that's what she good at. Getting everyone in gear. I'm glad I was able to see her before I came down here and hopefully I'll be able to see her for Christmas. I want her to see me get married. She was one of the few people along with my mom who said go for it when I'd bring up moving down here. I wish I could just get up and go see her. Another reason why I miss being back home so much.
I've been getting lots of wedding catalogs to keep me occupied on the long, lonely, boring days while Darryell is at work. But going over cakes, invitations, favors and all that jazz is so much. I think as soon as we settle on a place, a theme and our colors everything else will come together nicely. Gwen's birthday is coming up real fast. She's given us a list of what she wants and everytime something new comes on the TV, she adds that to the list. I don't know what we're going to do for her birthday yet but I'm sure we'll come up with something soon. For Halloween this year she wanted to go as a cat. For the first time in 3 years, she didn't want to be a princess. And I think Presley is going as a pea pad. They're going to be so cute.
Well I guess I'll go bake some cookies and continue watching FearFest. Gotta to love some scary movies.

Presley's Doctor Appointment

Today Presley went to the doctor his immuntzations. Granny Fish had to take us to the doctor because Darryell's back at work and there was no way I was going to let him leave work to go with us. But he did come home on lunch to check on his little man. Presley is doing great! Just has healthy as can be. His up to 13 pounds and is 23 inches long. Was was being such a good boy looking around at all the Pooh stickers on the wall. Then he got a little tinked when I laid him on the color ass tissue paper but calmed down quickly. He went back to the Pooh stickers, then the nurse walked in. Then he was pissed. My poor baby was so upset. To see those big tears in his blue eyes, crushed me. But after all was said and done, he was okay and crashed on the way home. He's a little fussy right now but is taking an extra long nap. So tonight will probably be a long one but as long as he's feeling better, it's okay. Plus I just discovered that I have Strep Throat. I can probably thank Justin for that but I'm just hoping I don't get too sick while Presley is feeling down.

Considering Another Move

I've only been down here in Louisiana about 2 months and it's not a bad place or anything like that, it's just that I miss back home real bad. I'll never say I regret moving down here because at one point it was exactly what I wanted. Me wanting to make a move back home has nothing to do with the area or Darryell's family or anything like that. I love them to death and would make sure they have plenty of time with the kids until something is decided. I would just rip them out of their lives or anything stupid or shelfish like that. Like I said, I miss what I had. Maybe I'm being a patsy about everything or a big baby but I want to move back. Darryell sees it in me everyday that I'm not completely whole anymore. I miss my family, my friends and as crazy as it sounds, my job. It was a decent job, I worked for idiots but it paid the bills plus everything we needed and wanted. I miss the little things I would do with my family. Simple things like watching movies and making fun of anything we seen. Going to Wal-Mart with my brother and him taking forever in the game aisle. Going to my brother's pro shop and just sitting around listening to everyone there. Taking Gwen bowling on Saturday mornings. I miss going to Family Video every Tuesday seening if they put any good movies on sale. Stupid stuff like just sitting around with my brother talking about all the funny crap that's happened to us and laughing until we could barely breathe.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to finally be where Darryell is for more than a week before he's on the road again. I thought I'd be whole once we were finally together as a family unit but I loss a piece of me when I left everything behind. Once we no longer have to worry about what to do with this place and all the junk in it, it will be set to move on and get a different place with new junk to fill it. Before he didn't know what to do with this place, so me coming down here made since. But once that's taken care of, it's all up in the air. We have been looking at houses/apartments and employment options in Terre Haute and also Indianapolis. Once we've gotten ahead enough and have things lined up somewhere else, I'm hoping to hit the road.
Gwen has mentioned a couple times about going 'home'. Usually after talking to her Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Bubby or when I ask her why she doesn't want to go to school. She misses her old school. I think she's just getting bored with school here. They're doing stuff she already knows and she's bored with it. Darryell wants up both to be happy and this is what would make me happy and his more than willing to do this for me. Gotta love a man who'll do anything to make me happy.
So hopefully things will work out. I'm surrounded by people most of the time, yet I'm lonely inside for the home I left behind.

Wedding Ideas

I've come to realize that planning a wedding isn't the easiest task I've ever came up against. There's so much to think about. Where to have it and when. Where to have a reception, what will we serve, liquor, decorations. Right now it's feeling a little overwhelming. I know I don't want it to be too traditional. I'm not really that type of person. I'm more of a run off to Vegas or doing it at city hall and having a huge ass party afterwards. But I'm trying to find a comfy medium. We've discussed the Vegas thing (thanks to helpful tips from our friend Penny who got married there) or we've thought about doing it in Memphis. Then I thought about having it at his mom's church. It seemed easy enough but then where to have a reception. If we did it at the church, there would be no liquor allowed or at his mom's house. And I do enjoy a drink or two, so that just won't work.
I've been looking into some other places and trying to get a general idea of what I want to do. One thing I thing we're considering is a place called Myrtles Plantation. I wanted to go there after the wedding as sorta of like a honeymoon. It's a haunted plantation and it would be something we would enjoy and just be alone for a weekend. (I know a haunted honeymoon isn't too romantic but what the hell, I'm not into traditional things anyways.) Then when we're looking into room rates and thinks like that, we see that they have wedding and reception facilities. I think it's a totally awsome idea. Getting married in one of the 'most haunted houses in America' is something I would totally be up for. We have seven months to figure out something that will be great for both of us. He just wants to get married. If he had his way, we'd get married next week. I would usually be down for that. However, I'm the one one wants a wedding, traditional or not. If I only get married once in my lifetime, it's going to be something I'll remember. On the other hand I've been watching 'Amazing Wedding Cakes' and 'My Big Redneck Wedding', who knows where I'll end up with some of the crazy ideas that are being put in my head.

Tuesday Night

Oh boy, today really seemed to drain me. Last night Gwennie came home from school feeling a little sick. After taking some medicine and a short nap, it was looking like she was going to be feeling better. But she fell asleep before her homework started.......it was to watch some of the Saints football game. It was a pretty decent game even though they lost. I know when Gwen is really sick because of the way she is when she's sleeping. Moans, talks and is very restless. She had a temp of 101.4. So me being the worry-wort mother I am, I say up with her all night. I wanted to make sure I was right there if she needed me. We kept her home from school because she was up most of the night sick. She is feeling a little better now and she's ready to go back to school. She was a little on it today with her being more up beat than the day before. But she's my baby, I can deal with it. What am I supposed to do, lock her outside for being hyper. Oh wait, that's not my style of parenting. LOL.
But with me having gotten even less sleep than I'm used to, I figured today would completely drag and I would fall out before too long. But I guess I work better under conditions like that. I got all the cleaning done, all the laundry, all the dishes and the dishes from after supper, a lot of extra things that needed done but never had the time too and baked a cake. But Darryell cooked dinner for us today, so I can't take credit for that one but the cake was all me. Now I'm sitting here at 11:35 PM with both the kids crashed and you'd think I'd be ready to fall out myself but I'm just as ready to go then this morning. I guess when I was working second and third shifts and doubling back on some days, I'm used to running on empty. I'll probably be up late again, watching the Amazing Wedding Cakes show, thinking of some very untraditional wedding cake ideas or at least some ideas for the wedding itself. Lord knows I'm not so traditional.
Looking at pictures of my friend's kids first time bowling and it made me miss bowling. Bowling is what my family does. Most of us started probably about the time we could walk. Last year was Gwen's first time on a league and she did real good. She was most improved, had the highest game and her team was second place in her division. I'm sure if we went bowling she'd miss her pretty pink ball or her purple one and of course her pink shoes. I haven't bowled in 3 years now and I'm probably a little rusty but hey, I'm a Fields, I know I can redeem myself. LOL
I guess I'll go to bed now. I watched my Bonnie and Clyde movie and now it's on to In the Heat of the Night and after that it's Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. So I guess you could say my night is planned up until the wee hours of the morning. More wedding ideas and finish my letter to my mom will probably be thrown in there somewhere too. Then some sleep and preparing for another day in Louisiana.

Random Midnight Thoughts

I know I really should be in bed. It's only a few short hours before Presley is due for a feeding. But I sit here watching TV about some cool ass haunted houses. It makes me wanna go to Eastern State Penitentiary. How can you beat a haunted house type deal in a maximum security prison. It's sounds like something I'd totally be up for. I'm up for anything creepy. I guess I'll add that one to the list of places I want to see someday along with Lizzie Borden's house, a place called the Hangman's House and a laundry list of haunted hotels I want to spend the night in. And I'm sure there's some crazy voodoo places around New Orleans or something like that.
Unlike the supposed ghost stories from the hotel I worked in. Third floor was creepy but I still think it was the mold monsters living in the walls or the picture frames, if you were in the right room. Now that's creepy. I had my whole theory that if the Best Western in Terre Haute ever caught on fire again and wasn't able to be brought under control, it would end up like "The Mist" or something. A mold cloud would consume the south end of town and what comes with it, who knows. But all that is just my ramblings on really how nasty that place is. Management isn't too bright either.
I was standing outside eariler while Darryell walked the dogs before they came inside for the night and I could hear the cows just a mooing away across the highway. It's completely different from where I'm from. There's cows at the end of the road we live on, the landlord has goats and pigeons, the cows across the highway, there's frogs and lizards everywhere. Back home I did live in an area where you'd hear the frogs all summer and when it's cool in the in early mornings we would go outside and there'd be tons of deers eating berries in our front yard but all these farm animals are different to me. And I'm sure a camera freak that I'm always trying to get pictures of them. Such a tourist.
Tomorrow night I think I'll start a family night deal. We can just play a board game. None of this PS or Xbox stuff. A good old fashion board game. Or maybe a movie night or something. I want this mainly because with Gwen making friends and playing most of the afternoon, she always seems to fall asleep right after dinner. This way I can have time with her but she can still have plenty of time with her friends. She's been like my best friend since she was born, I know it's time to let her be a little girl. Even if that means I have to share her.
I guess I should get a few hours sleep before they baby gets up. He may surprise me and sleep the rest of the night. But he's a hungry boy and won't miss any feedings if he can help it. He'll go from sound asleep to pissed because he's hungry and he's hungry right them. He's such a good baby and is staying to smile up a storm. But I think he saves the best ones for Daddy but at least he's forming a bond with his Daddy. I think it's important to have a good relationship with his Daddy. And I'm glad I got over my pig-headed ways and realized what I would have been screwing Presley out of. His Daddy. And I may do a lot of crazy things but I didn't want that to be one of them.
I am going to sleep. Enough random ramblings from a semi insane manic bi polar crazy person. Or something to that effect.

October 1, 2008

It's now October and I've been down here about a month now and things are going well for all three of us. I'm making friends, Gwen is going great in school and Presley is enjoying being with his daddy. This month isn't going to be anymore busy than the last. There's mainly doctor appointments and dentist appointments I have to catch up on. Nothing major, just check ups.
We've sort of picked a wedding date. I like May 9th because it's a full moon and May shouldn't be as hot. There may be some event going on in Lake Charles that weekend, so it may be pushed back to the Saturday before Mother's Day. I believe it's the 16th. It's seven months away and we're trying to pan out some details now, so we aren't going it all towards the end. Our colors are going to be lavender, white and maybe silver or gold. But I'm still considering some other colors. But it'll all be figured out in the end.
Halloween is coming up and even though it's not a major holiday but we still do our thing. Gwen will dress up as a princess again. That's her favorite thing to be but she has been talking about being a cat. I'm sure she'll decide sooner or later. Darryell and I will enjoy all the scary movies on this month. If not, Justin will watch scary movies with me. But of course nothing would be Glenn's chicken butt over here watching horror movies.
We've rearranged the living room to make more room in here. I was fine the way it was but with all the baby's stuff and all the extra movies, we needed a bigger DVD rack. So some stuff just had to go. I'm looking for a cute area rug for the floor and I'm making slip covers for the couches with Momma Fish. And she's making curtains for the living room and the kitchen. Darryell just needed a gal who actually takes care of her things and make it more homie. We'll get there sooner or later.
I've started a diet to lose the rest of the baby weight I gaines. I was inspired to not want to be ashamed of my wedding pictures. I love me but I'm sure it'll help me feel better too. I've also started filling out paperwork to start online classes in Criminal Justice. Hopefully that will get going here before long.
Other than all of that there's not a whole lot going on. Just all the mommy stuff that I love doing and taking care of my man as much as he takes care of me. God love him. Oh yeah and it's Breast Cancer Awarness month. So buy your Pink Stuff and do what you can do in support.